It’s time for the fifth-annual Fistys, the awards show that hands out hypothetical hardware to the best combat sports highlights of the year from the international and regional scene. Much has been said about how 2023 was the strangest 12-month stretch that fight fans have ever seen at the higher levels of the business, which makes what happened on the fringes seem almost tame by comparison.

Still, the outer limits of the fighting world never fail to deliver, and there were plenty of memorable scenes that might have escaped the eye of the average viewer. So consider this post to be one big ICYMI for anyone that needs to catch up before the calendar turns to 2024.

Without further ado, it’s Fisty time!

(Don’t forget to tip your cap to MMA Twitter overlords @Barrelelapierna for their weekly lists of the best KOs and submissions, and to the inimitable @Grabaka_Hitman, our greatest living MMA historian, plus everyone else on social media who scrutinizes the combat sports landscape with a fine-tooth comb. Give everyone a follow and chip in on caposa’s Patreon if you can.)

Best Visual Effects

Raymison Bruno vs. Roger Dalet

Literally billed as “David vs. Goliath,” 130-pound fighter Raymison Bruno went up against heavyweight Roger Dalet to prove once and for all that size doesn’t matter. I don’t recall the Book of Samuel saying anything about Superman punches, blast doubles, or armbars, but I suppose stories are meant to evolve over time.

Our untrained Goliath was easily felled by Bruno in a matchup that, while farcical, certainly helped to reinforce the conventional notion that no matter how big you are, you’re not going to last two minutes in a real fight if you don’t know your full guard from your Right Guard. I’m looking at you, Bradley Martyn.

Best Vomiting

Praewpraw vs. Dokmaipa

I’m not one to encourage a person to accidentally see something they never wanted to see, so if the title of this Fisty category didn’t prompt you to skip to the next section, here’s a more formal warning: The clip below features someone puking.

Here we go.

Considering what fighters put each other’s bodies through, it’s honestly kind of amazing that we don’t see disgusting incidents like this more often. Not that I’m requesting it. In fact, if we could go 365 days without an in-ring chunk-blowing, that would just be great. Thanks.

Best Base For MMA

Akamz as ‘Michael Justice’

Comedian Akamz has gotten plenty of mileage out of his thinly veiled Michael Jackson riff “Michael Justice,” adapting the King of Pop’s signature moves to a variety of sports and activities, so it was only a matter of time until he brought his act to MMA and the results were spectacular.

Roll your eyes all you want, but the bit takes serious skill and commitment. And frankly, if mimicking M.J. is good enough for the great Anderson Silva, then I can rock with Akamz.

Best KO (accidental)

Billy Brand and Carol the Cutwoman

According to Sherdog, bantamweight Billy Brand went 3-0 in 2023, but you can tack another W on there for this hilarious post-fight collision with “Carol the Cutwoman” a.k.a. Carol Siracusa.

Brand was obviously jazzed up after scoring a third-round finish and you can see that he’s completely unaware of his surroundings as he barrels into Siracusa. She looked to be fine from the fall, so I think it’s fair for to have a chuckle over Brand’s gaffe.

Best KO

Patryk Glowacki vs. Patryk Tolkaczewski

Regular readers of Missed Fists knows that international and regional promotions always provide a healthy diet of one-shot knockouts, blindingly fast finishes, plus knees and head kicks galore, and any one of those kinds of finishes would have made for a fine choice to win the KO Fisty. But sticking with the theme of weirdness, how could we pick anything else besides Krzysztof Glowacki’s furious punch-out from mount.

From the bottom of mount, that is.

There’s levels to this s***, as the kids say, and Glowacki vs. Patryk Tolkaczewski isn’t exactly a clash of heavyweight titans (both were making their pro MMA debut). So it’s understandable that this finish might not top a conventional list of the best KOs of the year.

Around these parts though, we reward ingenuity, creativity, and yes, silliness, not to mention sheer brutality. Glowacki’s once-in-a-lifetime KO checks all of those boxes and deserves to be recognized. It’s no secret that KSW rules and wacky wins like this are one of the reasons why.

Best of the rest

Manolis Kallistis vs. Juan Gonzalez

Yuito Yanagawa vs. Kazuki Morii

Jessika Silva vs. Jocilene Santana

Reynaldo Acevedo vs. Andre Bermudez

Devin Smyth vs. Jonathan Piersma

Xavier Horton vs. Richard Guererro

Milosz Wodecki vs. Mikolaj Homa

Xiko Loko vs. Iury Silva

Ivan Kulak vs. Bogdan Plutakhin

Shuya Kimura vs. Shota Taguchi

Best Submission

Aktore Batyrbek def. Shakhzod Dzhurakulov

Despite my best attempts to educate the philistines that make up the MMA Fighting staff, I failed to convince them to include one of the more unique finishes from the Missed Fists library on our Submission of the Year list (Louis Glismann vs. Melvin Van Suijdam made it, thankfully).

No matter, Aktore Batyrbek’s spectacular combination sub of Shakhzod Dzhurakulov will get its shine here, if nowhere else.

The Kazakh flyweight had an exemplary 2023 campaign, going 3-0 with three finishes. The competition he’s facing over in Octagon League leaves something to be desired, but if we keep getting highlights like this, I encourage the matchmakers to keep bringing out whatever poor saps they can find for Batyrbek to style on.

Best of the rest

Taylor Mauldin vs. Laura Gallardo

Azat Maksum vs. Fabricio Nunes

Pablo Eduardo vs. Azizbek Norov

Olga Rubin vs. Claire Guthrie

That’s it for this year, folks, thanks as always for checking in on our often neglected corner of the MMA world. I had to leave out a bushel of unbelievable finishes or we’d be going on for another 3,000 words, so if you want the whole picture, make sure to go back through the Missed Fists archives.

And don’t worry, I didn’t forget the most devastating strike of the year.

Boink.

Take care of yourselves in 2024!

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